Author Archives: woodyhaiken

How do I learn to love myself?

answer series-01One question that asked by quite a few people is “How do I learn to love myself?” This is the key question to healing from child abuse, or abuse of any kind. When we were abused, we were told we were unloveable, unwanted, unworthy of any good in life. Being unloved by those who were supposed to equip us in life by not only putting a roof over heads, but by also giving us safety and a sense of belongingness, has left us bereft of not only their love, but of self-love.

Throughout our childhoods, we hoped for them to change. We hoped that one day they would magically love us and all would be right in the world. Instead, they continually hammered our sense of worth and wrung out it every last drop of esteem. We then went into our adult relationships without self-love and found only those who did not love themselves. Our relationships were pairings of the emotionally parched trying to get a drop of love from each other.

What we couldn’t get from our abusers of our childhoods, we could not get from the abusers of our adulthoods. Even if we weren’t abused by another, we abused ourselves with our inner criticism, our Gremlin voice.

So back to the question, “How do I learn to love myself?” There is no quick fix. There is no easy path. But there is a path. This is what I call, “The Wounded Child’s Journey.” It begins where you are in life, in that place of being a victim, and thinking like a victim, that place of learned helplessness I liken to quicksand.

When you are in quicksand, there is only one thing you can do: get out. Getting out of the quicksand requires that you act contrary to what you’re feeling. You feel lethargic and apathetic, neither of which are conducive to action. You must decide that you are going to do whatever it takes, no matter how you feel, to change your life for the better, to do whatever it takes to move towards self love.

That is the first step towards learning to love yourself. I go into more detail in the first video that I offer on this site for free. If you haven’t registered to view the video, please go to this link to join the member site and gain free access to the first video of the Wounded Child’s Journey.

The next step is to uncover your limiting beliefs, the false beliefs that you’ve lived by all your life that keep you from healing and from growing. I go into great detail about those false beliefs and how to overcome them in the second video of The Wounded Child’s Journey.

Next, you must work through what I call the “Battleground of Beliefs,” the conflicts you have with your circumstances and others. Then you must face the ultimate conflict: that with yourself. I cover this in the 3rd and 4th videos of The Wounded Child’s Journey.

The last work you must do to learn to love yourself is the work of reconciliation with yourself, and by identifying that which is holding you to your past and your pain. This is covered in the 5th, 6th, 7th videos. In the 8th video, we learn how to let go.

As you can see, there is no short answer to “How do I learn to love myself?” just as there is no short answer to “How do I learn trigonometry?” To learn trig, you must study, you must take a course and do the homework. The Wounded Child’s Journey is a course on how to learn to love yourself. It is made up of 10 videos and 10 workbooks. If you’re willing to do the work, you can learn to love yourself.

How do I truly let go and move on even though I still have occasional interaction with abuser?

This is the first of the Wounded Child Answer Series. A little over a week ago, I put out a quick and easy survey that asked two questions. The answers were poignant, profound. They deserve to have meaningful, well thought out answers. Your comments are welcome, as well as your participation in the survey. There…Continue Reading


Every journey has a destination, and the destination of the Wounded Child Journey is self love. As children, we were taught that we were not worthy of love, or that love was something that had to be earned. We learned that love was something that could come and go. What we were taught of love…Continue Reading


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